Accidental Outing

We haven’t exactly been in the IF closet, but have been pretty particular about who we share the details with. It’s an odd thing, infertility. No one talks about it. I don’t know if it is because there is a sense of embarrassment on the part of the affected parties because we are unable to accomplish something that comes so easily to so many. Maybe it is because it deals with the most intimate part of a couple’s relationship. Perhaps no one wants to imagine the process that goes into the treatments, with him providing his sample and her getting knocked up by a turkey baster. But by not talking about it, I think it only reinforces the idea that it is something that should not be talked about. People don’t understand how common IF truly is, and as a result many people end up going through the struggles alone when for all they know, their close friend may be going through the same thing.

As we’ve gotten closer to IVF, I’ve started being more open about things. When people ask if we are thinking of having kids, I tell that that we’ve been trying for two years. There’s nothing wrong, but it’s just not working and we’re getting some help. If they ask, I will share all the details that they want. But only if they ask. My close friends however, get all the details. They know we are doing IVF next month. They know I have to take a sh*tload of shots, and won’t be able to run because my ovaries will be too damn big. They know that I will be devastated if this doesn’t work.

I have two blogs. One, for me and him, sharing pictures from our travels, weekend adventures, my knitting, cooking. And this one, where I can share all the details of our IF journey without worrying about our grandmother’s reading it. Until last week. Both blogs are linked to this ID. I signed in, wrote my post about waiting to start IVF, then published it. Clicked on the link to see the post and suddenly realized it was on the wrong blog. I immediately deleted it, but the internet has a way of keeping things around that you might not want out there. Anyone who follows our blog via RSS feed got all the details of our upcoming IVF. Crap.

I quickly wrote a second post: “If you read this via RSS feed, you may have seen a post that was meant for somewhere else. These are my personal thoughts on a personal issue, and we would appreciate it if you would allow us to keep this private for now. Please know we will share the details when we are ready to do so.” I haven’t heard anything from anyone, so who knows who actually saw anything. But I was struck by how upset I was that that information was out there. I don’t understand why I am so against being open with this. Why shouldn’t our parents know? Why don’t I want anyone who reads our blog to know about what we are going through? I’ve gotten nothing but support from the people who do know. But still, it’s there. That feeling that infertility is something that shouldn’t be talked about. I know this is something that should change, but I am afraid I’m not the person to change it.

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One Response to Accidental Outing

  1. A. says:

    Hi there, thanks for stopping by my blog! My situation is not so different from yours – we are also more or less unexplained (I say “more or less” because there was initially some suspicion of lean pcos but it’s really debatable and ovulation induction and IUI obviously didn’t get me so far, so whatever). I can definitely relate to your frustrations with the unexplained diagnosis. Best of luck to you with your upcoming IVF- I really hope it will be your lucky ticket! Also, if it makes you feel any better re:accidental sharing, when I joined Google+ a few days ago, there was a five minute span during which the picasa account linked to my blog (i.e. pictures of positive pregnancy tests and a 7 week “bump” shot from my first ill-fated pregnancy) was accessible via the pictures feature to anyone I had friended…I break out into a sweat every time I wonder whether someone saw it:)

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