The first step in IVF is to basically put your body into menopause. The shot I’m taking every morning (Lupron) is shutting down my hormones. I don’t really have any side effects that I can tell. I do have ridiculously dry eyes and I’m thirsty all the time, which I remember from the evil Clomid, but I can’t figure out how that would be related to the medication. I also gained 5 lbs in one week. While I would like to blame the Lupron for that, I think it is more likely related to all the beer and margaritas that were consumed at the lake this weekend. Also my complete disregard for healthy eating habits the last few months, and my pathetic attempts at exercise.
The fact that I’m now at my highest weight since college is scary. I knew this time would come eventually: where I would actually have to pay attention to what I eat, avoid snacking non-stop, avoid eating a loaf of bread in one sitting, actually make an effort of be active more days than not. And now I know I can expect to gain another 10 lbs just from the stimulation meds that start next week. There is no way my clothes are still going to fit after all this. The worst part is I’m not going to be able to run. That’s always been how I get away with eating more than I should, and I don’t know how I’m going to compensate.
Yesterday I started tracking my food again. I’ve tried this before and it works really well for me. If I write down what I eat (especially if I can plan for the entire day), I manage to avoid snacking and eating junk. I’m riding my bike to work every day that I can, and one of these days I will learn how to swim. Right now my swimming skill level is just barely above “avoid drowing” stage. I’m hoping to get into an exercise routine that becomes just that–routine. Something I can do every day, and fits into my current schedule.
I’m still at a healthy weight, I generally eat well and compared to most people, I’m in pretty decent shape. I’m just not where I would like to be. I miss having abdominal muscles. I don’t like having flabby arms. I know I can do more to get where I want to be. I think I’ve let inertia get the best of me these last 6 months, and I need to change that. I know weight gain is inevitable, especially if IVF works and I end up pregnant. But there’s no reason I should accept my lack of muscle tone and couch potato tendencies.
There are 5 stages for changing undesired behaviors: Precontemplation is the stage where you have no intention to change your behavior in the foreseeable future. You probably don’t even know you have a problem at this stage. Contemplation is when you recognize the problem and start thinking about changing your behavior, but don’t have any concrete plans to do so. Preparation is when you plan to take action in the next month, with unsuccessful previous attempts to change behavior (or have not tried) in the last year. Action is when you finally do something about that behavior. Maintenance is probably the hardest stage, where you work to maintain changes and prevent relapse.
I think I have finally reached the “action” stage and am taking baby steps to get to where I want to be. I like having goals. It makes me feel in control, despite going through all this IVF crap which is such a great unknown, and I need that sense of control.