This is getting old

Things learned this cycle:

1. OPKs can in fact predict a positive HPT

2. For whatever reason, I cannot get a positive HPT in the morning. Only in the afternoon. Weird, but true.

3. Apparently I can *get* pregnant, I just can’t *stay* pregnant.

First blood test was positive. Second blood test tripled. I got excited. I told a few people. I was pregnant. Our first ultrasound was scheduled. Then I started cramping, then bleeding and was scared. I called the doctor, who told me to take it easy and call if things got worse. They didn’t get worse, but he called back the next day (I really love my clinic) and decided I should come in today for an early ultrasound. We saw something, so the theory was either both embryos had implanted and had lost one, or one embryo had implanted and we were losing it. So we did another blood test and it had dropped. A lot. Which meant we were losing the one embryo that we saw on ultrasound.

We now have two pregnancy losses (and maybe more that we just never knew about). Why does this happen? This could either be a problem with our embryos, or a problem with me. There are a series of blood tests that are typically run after two losses, looking for blood clotting disorders, autoimmune disorders, and some other more controversial immune factors. I suspect we will do some of these. The other possibility is that our embryos have some chromosomal problems. There are tests they can do to determine if this is the fact. We would need to do another fresh IVF cycle, they would do genetic analysis of the embryos (known as PGD) and we would only implant those that were genetically normal.

I don’t know what we are going to do now. We have three embryos left. We could go ahead with another frozen cycle and yes, we would probably transfer all three. There’s a good chance it won’t work, but it would be A LOT cheaper than doing another fresh cycle, and if it does work, it would save us A LOT of money and stress and time and emotion. We could do another fresh cycle with PGD, and hope we have some normal ones to transfer and hopefully have a better chance at success than we would have with our frozen embryos. Whatever we decide, won’t be until spring at the earliest. We need a break.

But right now, I’m going to be sad for awhile, then I’m going to run another half marathon. It’s the only thing I know to do when I feel like I’m in a situation I have no control over. And it’s a whole lot healthier than drinking a bottle of wine, and chasing it with a pitcher of margaritas.

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